Is it permissible to eat from an Udhiyah slaughtered on behalf of a deceased person?
Praise be to Allah, and prayers and peace be upon our Master the Messenger of Allah.
It is permissible to eat from the sacrifice (uḍḥiyyah) that is offered on behalf of a deceased person. This is the madhhab (school of thought) of the Hanbalis. In this case, the heirs take the place of the deceased as if he were alive, with the same rights to eat from it, give it in charity, and offer it as a gift.
It is stated in Maṭālib Uli al-Nuhā (Vol.2/P.472): "Offering a sacrifice on behalf of a deceased person is better than offering one on behalf of a living person, because the deceased is unable (to perform deeds) and is in need of reward. It is to be treated like a sacrifice on behalf of a living person in terms of eating, giving charity, and giving gifts." And Allah Almighty knows best.
How should I deal with the whispers of the devil with regard to ablution and purity?
Whispers in ablution are from the devil, and so you should take refuge in Allah from the devil`s evil suggestions that aim to distort the religion. Thus, once an organ is completely pure, don`t question its purity since having whispers doesn`t mean that the purity is invalid as it has already been established.
Is it permissible for a woman to shake hands with her brother-in-law?
It is forbidden for the woman to shake hands with her brother-in-law because he isn`t a Mahram (unmarriageable) of hers.
What should the one performing the slaughter say at the time of slaughtering the 'aqīqah?
All praise is due to Allah, and may peace and blessings be upon our Master, the Messenger of Allah.
It is Sunnah to say the following supplication at the time of slaughtering the 'aqīqah:
"Bismillāhi wallāhu Akbar, Allāhumma laka wa ilayka, hādhihi 'aqīqatu fulān."
("In the name of Allah, and Allah is the Greatest. O Allah, this is for You and unto You — this is the 'aqīqah of [the child's name].")
This is based on what al-Bayhaqī narrated in Al-Sunan al-Kubrā (Vol.9/P.511), that the Prophet ﷺ said: "Slaughter it in his name and say: In the name of Allah, and Allah is the Greatest. O Allah, this is for You and unto You — this is the 'aqīqah of so-and-so."
And Allah Almighty knows best.