The supplication: "O Allah, we do not ask You to avert the decree, but we ask You for kindness in it." Is this Supplication Halal or Haram?

We are obliged to supplicate Allah, so when supplicating we comply with Allah's Ordainments, and making supplications that are reported in the authentic texts is better. And Allah Knows Best. 

Is it permissible for a wife to give her money to her family as a charity, or a gift without asking her husband, or seeking his consent?

The wife has the right to give her money as a charity, or a gift to her family, or to other people after consulting her husband out of respect, and this is the meaning of treating on footing of kindness and equity. Therefore, if he wanted to stop her from helping her family, then there is no harm in not telling him.

Is washing the private part after urinating (Istinjaa`) a condition, and is it done with water and soap, or with water only?

Istinjaa` is obligatory for removing impurity, and it can be done with toilet paper, or a stone, or water. It is preferable to do Istinjaa` first with paper, or stone, or the like, then to wash the private part with water until making sure that the impurity has been removed. Using soap is not a condition, but there is no harm in doing so provided that it is washed off with water. It is also permissible to use either water, or paper if impurity is removed by any.

Is committing Zina (Adultery and extramarital sex) without the intention of getting pregnant or deflowered considered full Zina?