What is the torment of the grave?
We seek refuge in Allah from the torment of the grave. The important point is that the cause of the torment of the grave is disbelief or committing sins without repentance. It affects the soul, and the body is impacted by it, even if we do not see it. And Allah Knows Best.
Is it permissible for a woman to use a contraceptive without telling her husband although he wants to have as many children as possible and she can`t care for them?
All perfect praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds, may His Blessings and Peace be upon our Prophet Mohammad and upon all his family and companions.
If the pregnancy is harmful to the woman, it is permissible for her to use a contraceptive; however, this has to be backed by a medical report from a God-fearing doctor. In addition, you had better inform your of what you are doing to avoid dispute. And Allah The Almighty Knows Best.
Is washing the private part after urinating (Istinjaa`) a condition, and is it done with water and soap, or with water only?
Istinjaa` is obligatory for removing impurity, and it can be done with toilet paper, or a stone, or water. It is preferable to do Istinjaa` first with paper, or stone, or the like, then to wash the private part with water until making sure that the impurity has been removed. Using soap is not a condition, but there is no harm in doing so provided that it is washed off with water. It is also permissible to use either water, or paper if impurity is removed by any.
Is it incumbent on a family to provide for its old handicapped son and take care of him?
The family and relatives - e.g. brothers - of such a person are obliged to spend on him and take care of him if he didn`t have money of his own.