Is it permissible to offer an absentee funeral prayer?
Yes, it is permissible to offer an absentee funeral prayer.
What is the ruling on someone who vowed to fast for two consecutive months, but failed to do so?
He is obliged to fulfill his vow by fasting for two consecutive months, but if he fails to do so then, it remains a debt on him until he either fulfills his vow, or dies. In case of his death, his guardian is supposed to fast on his behalf, or donate food from his estate in return for fasting, but if the guardian fails to do so then, it is all in the Hands of Allah.
What is the ruling on smoking?
All Perfect Praise is due to Allah, The Lord of The Worlds
Smoking is forbidden (Haram) since it is harmful to one`s health as confirmed by trustful physicians, and Islam has forbidden taking anything that causes harm. The Prophet (PBUH) said: "There should be neither harm nor reciprocated harm." [Ibn Majah and Ahmad]. And Allah Knows Best.
Is touching a non-Mahram woman invalidates person's ablution?
Touching non-Mahram woman is prohibited, and according to the Shafiee's, it invalidates the ablution. And Allah Knows Best.