Is washing the private part after urinating (Istinjaa`) a condition, and is it done with water and soap, or with water only?

Istinjaa` is obligatory for removing impurity, and it can be done with toilet paper, or a stone, or water. It is preferable to do Istinjaa` first with paper, or stone, or the like, then to wash the private part with water until making sure that the impurity has been removed. Using soap is not a condition, but there is no harm in doing so provided that it is washed off with water. It is also permissible to use either water, or paper if impurity is removed by any.

 Is it permissible to pay the Zakah to my grandmother who lives alone in a rented accommodation with bad conditions noting she had three sons. 

Zakah cannot be given to ascendants (parents and grandparents). It is obligatory for her sons and grandsons to provide for her, and they would be sinful if they fail to do so. And Allah Knows Best.

Is it permissible for the man to go out wearing shorts?

All Perfect Praise is due to Allah, The Lord of The Worlds

It is permissible so long as his Awrah (private part), which is between his navel and knee, is covered. However, the regular wear traditions and modesty are to be observed. And Allah Knows Best

Is it permissible for a woman to conclude her marriage without the approval of her family?

No marriage is permissible without the presence of a guardian and two trust worthy witnesses, and the woman whose family had denied her right in getting married to a God-fearing, financially and physically capable man should go to the court.