Is washing the private part after urinating (Istinjaa`) a condition, and is it done with water and soap, or with water only?

Istinjaa` is obligatory for removing impurity, and it can be done with toilet paper, or a stone, or water. It is preferable to do Istinjaa` first with paper, or stone, or the like, then to wash the private part with water until making sure that the impurity has been removed. Using soap is not a condition, but there is no harm in doing so provided that it is washed off with water. It is also permissible to use either water, or paper if impurity is removed by any.

A pious man proposed to me and my father was hesitant in this regard because he is black, am I sinful if I accepted his proposal?

If the suitor is pious, color isn`t a drawback. However, try talking to your father kindly, so that he approves of your marriage with contentment, and that is better for you.

Is it incumbent on a family to provide for its old handicapped son and take care of him?

The family and relatives - e.g. brothers - of such a person are obliged to spend on him and take care of him if he didn`t have money of his own.

After I had prayed, I found a drop of menstrual blood and was unsure when that happened; what is the ruling on my prayer and fast?

All praise is due to Allah, peace and blessing be upon the Messenger of Allah.

Your prayer and fast are correct ,and you should not make up for them, and we ask Allah, The Almighty, to duely reward you for these acts of worship. Your menses start once you see blood because the situation remains as such unless there is certainty or predominant conjecture, as per the Fiqh maxim: "Certainty is not removed by doubt". And Allah Knows Best.