What is the ruling on performing istinja' before every ablution?
Istinja' is not from the conditions for the validity of ablution. It is only obligatory for prayer when there is impurity from urine or stool on the private part, or if there is fear of the impurity spreading to the body or clothing. And Allah the Almighty knows best.
What is the ruling on swallowing phlegm while fasting?
If a fasting person intentionally swallows phlegm, their fast is invalid, as it is possible to avoid it.
However, if they swallow it unintentionally, their fast remains valid.
Phlegm is impure and should be avoided.
How do I deal with whispers (waswasa) in ablution and purification?
Whispers in ablution are from Satan, and the Muslim should not pay attention to them. He is not required to re-perform ablution or repeat washing a limb because of waswasa. He should always base his purification on its being valid. It is recommended for him to frequently say "La ilaha illa Allah" (There is no god but Allah), because Satan recoils when Allah is mentioned. And Allah the Almighty knows best.
I`m in love with a certain man, and want to marry him in particular, but my family refused that, what should I do?
The father should know what is in the best interest of his daughter and consider her situation. On her part, the daughter should trust her father`s view point as far as suitors are concerned. Moreover, it is prohibited for any woman, or girl to get involved in a relation with a non-Mahram (Marriageable man).