Is it incumbent on the fiancée to obey her fiancé?
When the woman settles in her husband`s house, it is incumbent on him to provide for her and it is incumbent on her to obey him. Before that, and if the marriage contract had been concluded, then she is lawfully his wife and thus she should abide by custom in treating him, but if the marriage contract hadn`t been concluded, then she should treat him as a non-Mahram (Marriageable).
What is the ruling on istibra' and how is it performed?
Istibra' (cleansing from urine) is recommended. It is for a person to ensure that nothing remains of urine in its passage before performing istinja'. Its method is: to clear the throat (or cough slightly), shake the penis (meaning to pass fingers along it to expel any remaining urine if needed), and walk a few steps to the extent that one thinks nothing of urine remains if walking is needed. Each person knows his own nature best. The preferred opinion is that this differs among people. The objective is for one to think that nothing remains in the urinary passage that he fears will exit later. And Allah the Almighty knows best.
Is it permissible for a woman to wear underwear while performing Umrah?
Yes, it is permissible for a woman to wear underwear while performing Umrah. This is because she should keep her regular clothes that cover all her body while being in a state of Ihram (ritual consecration) for Hajj, or Umrah. However, she should uncover her face and hands, but it is permissible for her to let her head-covering garment drape from her head down over her face when non-Mahram (i.e., marriageable) men pass by her. And Allah Knows Best.
Is it permissible for a wife to refuse to go to bed with her husband (for sexual intercourse)?
It isn`t permissible for her to do so unless for a sound reason.