How should I deal with the whispers of the devil with regard to ablution and purity?
Whispers in ablution are from the devil, and so you should take refuge in Allah from the devil`s evil suggestions that aim to distort the religion. Thus, once an organ is completely pure, don`t question its purity since having whispers doesn`t mean that the purity is invalid as it has already been established.
Is Iddah (waiting period) incumbent on an old woman whose husband had died?
Upon the death of the husband, Iddah is incumbent on the wife regardless of their age. And Allah Knows Best.
What is the ruling on visiting a deceased's grave and supplicating Allah for him by his wife? Is the reward of reciting verses of the Holy Qur'an reaches the deceased?
There is no harm on visiting graveyard by woman with the intention of piety so long as they are dressed in accordance to the Islamic teachings. We ask Allah, The Almighty that the reward of reciting the Holy Qur'an on dedicated to the deceased reaches him. And Allah Knows Best.
Is washing the private part after urinating (Istinjaa`) a condition, and is it done with water and soap, or with water only?
Istinjaa` is obligatory for removing impurity, and it can be done with toilet paper, or a stone, or water. It is preferable to do Istinjaa` first with paper, or stone, or the like, then to wash the private part with water until making sure that the impurity has been removed. Using soap is not a condition, but there is no harm in doing so provided that it is washed off with water. It is also permissible to use either water, or paper if impurity is removed by any.