What are the conditions that must be met for the 'aqīqah to be valid?
All praise is due to Allah, and may peace and blessings be upon our Master, the Messenger of Allah.
The 'aqīqah is like the recommended uḍḥiyyah in terms of the type of animal, its age, and its required characteristics — since it is a recommended slaughter and therefore resembles the uḍḥiyyah in its rulings.
It is agreed upon without any difference of opinion that the 'aqīqah is not valid with any animal other than livestock (al-na'am — camels, cattle, and sheep). Likewise, an animal with a disqualifying defect — such as obvious illness, lameness, or blindness in one eye — does not suffice, as has previously been explained in the rulings of the uḍḥiyyah. And Allah Almighty knows best.
Is it permissible to offer mandatory prayer while sitting?
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of The Worlds, and may His Peace and Blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all of his family and companions. Standing up is a pillar in the mandatory prayer and the prayer is not valid without it unless one cannot do it. As for Nafila (supererogatory prayer), one can perform it in the state of sitting even if he/she can stand, but his/her reward is half the reward of the person who prays while standing if he/sh has no legal excuse for such an act. And Allah Knows Best.
Is it permissible to offer an absentee funeral prayer?
Yes, it is permissible to offer an absentee funeral prayer.
How should I deal with the whispers of the devil with regard to ablution and purity?
Whispers in ablution are from the devil, and so you should take refuge in Allah from the devil`s evil suggestions that aim to distort the religion. Thus, once an organ is completely pure, don`t question its purity since having whispers doesn`t mean that the purity is invalid as it has already been established.