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Tips for a Happy Family
Author : Dr. Hassan Abu_Arqoub
Date Added : 08-12-2022

 

Dear husband,

 

In the beginning, we ask Allah to shower you and your wife with His blessings. We take the opportunity to remind you with the following pieces of advice from Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) to ensure happiness of your household and continued love between you and your wife:

 

1- Your wife is a trust with you and you will be held accountable for this trust Before Almighty Allah, so fear Allah while treating your wife. The Prophet (PBUH) said: "Treat women kindly, they are like captives in your hands…." {Al-Tirmithi}. Moreover, he (PBUH) warned against wronging women where he said: "O Allah, I declare inviolable the rights of two weak ones: the orphans and women" [Ahmad & Ibn Majah and graded its chain of narrators by a sound one].

 

2- Good character and nobility are among the characteristics of the believers, so embrace them. Don`t be mean to your wife and consider her good characteristics. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: "A believer must not hate (his wife) believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics he will be pleased with another." [Moslim].

 

3- Patience and tolerance are attributes that prolong love between spouses, so make sure to embrace them. The Prophet (PBUH) said: "The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives." {Al- Tirmithi}.

4- Jealousy for the wife is a sign of faith and love. Because The Prophet (PBUH) said: "Are you surprised at Sa'd's jealousy of his honour? By Allah, I am more jealous of my honour than he, and Allah is more jealous than I." {Moslim}.

 

5- Suspicion and mistrust lead to spying and consequently breakdown of the family, so avoid them, because Allah The Almighty Said {What means}: "O ye who believe! Shun much suspicion; for lo! some suspicion is a crime. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you love to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Ye abhor that (so abhor the other)! And keep your duty (to Allah). Lo! Allah is Relenting, Merciful." [Al-Hujurat/12].

 

6- Observe forbearance and kindness when dealing with your wife; especially in the event of her slipping or making a mistake. Try to be of mature thought and keen on preserving your family and home.  Since the Prophet (PBUH) said: "Whenever forbearance is added to something, it adorns it; and whenever it is withdrawn from something, it leaves it defective." [Moslim].

 

7- Spend on your wife with kindness and you will have your reward from Allah. Since The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: "Whatever you spend seeking thereby The Pleasure of Allah, will have its reward, even the morsel which you put in the mouth of your wife". [Agreed upon].

 

8- The right of the wife upon husband is to provide her with food, drink or garment whenever he provides himself with any of these. The Prophet (PBUH) was asked: "Messenger of God, what right can any wife demand of her husband?" He replied: "That you should give her food when you eat, clothe her when you clothe yourself, not strike her on the face, and do not revile her or separate from her except in the house." [Transmitted by Ahmad, Abu Dawood and Ibn Majah].

 

9- Fiqh (Islamic Jurisprudence) is a necessity, so learn from it how to deal with your wife, your mutual rights and obligations, and teach these rules to her if she doesn`t know them.

 

10- Revealing wife`s secrets is both immoral and forbidden, so eschew such cowardly act, since The Prophet (PBUH) said: "The worst of people in position before Allah on the Day of Resurrection is the man who has intercourse with his wife, and she with him, and then spreads her secrets." [Moslim].

 

In conclusion, chivalry dictates that spouses overlook each other's slips and mistakes in case of separation and divorce. A righteous man was once asked: "What do you dislike about your wife?" He replied: "A prudent person doesn`t reveal a secret." When he divorced her, he was asked: "Why did you divorce her?" He said: "She isn`t my wife any more, she is a stranger to me."

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Wife,

 

In the beginning, we ask Allah to shower you and your husband with His blessings. We take the opportunity to remind you with the following pieces of advice from Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) to ensure happiness of your household and continued love between you and your husband:

 

1- Contentment and satisfaction with little, so avoid driving your husband to means of illicit gains. Some women of the righteous predecessors used to tell their husbands when they were about to leave home: "Avoid illicit means of gain for we can endure hunger but can`t endure Hell fire!"

 

2- Wife must obey husband in that which is lawful, so eschew disobeying him, raising your voice when speaking to him, and complaining to your family about him. Al-Husayn Ibn Muhsan reported that his aunt came to the Prophet for a need, and when she finished, the Prophet asked her: "Do you have a husband?" She replied: "Yes." He said: "How do you treat him?” She replied: "I try to fulfill all his rights upon me unless I am unable to do so.” Thereupon, he  said: "Look to how you are with respect to him, for he is your Heaven or Hell (i.e. you will be admitted to Paradise or thrown into hell according to the way you treat him)." [Ahmad and Nasa`ei].

 

3- The right of husband upon wife takes precedence over the rights of all her relatives. In the event of conflict between these rights, give priority to the rights of your husband and you are cleared from liability before Allah. This is because, after Allah and His Messenger, the greatest rights upon wife are the husband`s. The Prophet (PBUH) said: "If I were to order anyone to prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered a woman to prostrate herself before her husband". [At-Tirmidhi graded it as a sound authentic narration, to stress the greatness of his right (The husband on her (The wife].

 

4- It is the right of husband upon wife that she preserves his wealth, so don`t take anything out of his house without his permission. Even if you want to give to charity, from his money, you must ask for his permission, and you will have the same reward as his. However, if you didn`t obtain his permission, then he will be rewarded for that charity, and you will be burdened for the sin.

 

5- Beware of evil female friends and neighbors who seek to sow discord between you and your husband. Such women could lead to the destruction of your family and make your husband hate you.

 

6- Endure the harm of your husband and deal with him wisely when he is in a state of anger for you will reap the fruit of this at the times he is pleased with you. You should bear in mind that pride and obstinacy aggravate problems between you and him, so shun these qualities out and save your family.

 

7- When your husband calls you to his bed, obey him unless you have a lawful excuse for not doing so. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: "If a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and thus he spends the night angry with her, the angels continue cursing her till the morning." [Agreed upon].

 

8- It is forbidden to describe the details of a woman`s figure to your husband since the Prophet (PBUH) forbade such an act. As he (PBUH) said: "No woman should touch another woman's body and then describe the details of her figure to her husband in such a manner as if he was looking at her." {Agreed upon}.

 

 

 

Tips to Parents:

 

Dear parents, if you want your children to live happily, take the following pieces of advice into account:

 

1- When a man who doesn`t observe the obligatory prayers proposes to your daughter; turn him down because she is a trust with you. Therefore, it is your duty to choose for her the best husband in terms of righteousness and piety. Thus, the man who abandoned prayer is no match for her because abandoning prayer out of laziness is evil doing and out of denial is disbelief. This is because The Prophet (PBUH) said: "Between a man and disbelief and paganism is the abandonment of Salat (prayer)." [Moslim]. Moreover, Allah's Messenger (PBUH) said: "The covenant between us and them is prayer, so if anyone abandons it he has become an infidel." [Transmitted by Ahmad, Tirmidhi, Nissaee'i and Ibn Majah].

 

2- Interfering in your children`s private life may disturb it, so do that at the right time to make reconciliation and save family from breakdown.

 

3- Corrupting the relation between husband and wife is forbidden since The Prophet (PBUH) said: "He who makes a wife disaffected towards her husband or a slave towards his master is not one of us." [Abu Dawood].

 

 

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Summarized Fatawaa

What is the ruling on offering a sheep as a sacrifice (Udhiyah) if its fat-tail is sound, except that when it was young, the tip of its fat-tail was cut so that it would grow larger? And what is the ruling in case of doubt regarding the amount that was cut?

 
In the Name of Allah, and may peace and blessings be upon our Master, the Messenger of Allah.
 
Cutting a minor, insignificant portion from the tip of an animal's fat-tail (al-alyah) to encourage it to grow larger is not considered a defect, and it does not prevent the animal from being valid for sacrifice (Udhiyah).
 
It is stated in Tuhfat al-Muhtaj (Vol.9/P.352): "There is some scholarly deliberation regarding the common practice of cutting the tip of the fat-tail so that it grows larger. It could potentially be likened to a partial cut of the ear—supported by the jurists' general rule: 'even if it is a small amount.' On the other hand, if it is an exceptionally minor cut, it might have no effect on validity. This is explicitly clarified by the juristic exception to the general rule, which states that cutting a tiny piece from a large limb causes no harm. This latter view is more well-founded.
 
Furthermore, I found that some scholars investigated this matter and concluded: 'It should not affect validity if a custom-sanctioned portion of its fat-tail is removed during its youth to make it grow larger and look better, just as castrating a male animal causes no harm.' However, applying this unconditionally contradicts the established texts of the jurists, as understood from what I have laid out; thus, the restriction I specified is what must be relied upon."
 
Similarly, it is mentioned in Nihayat al-Muhtaj (8/135): "If a small piece is cut from the fat-tail to help it grow larger, the most well-founded view is that the sacrifice remains valid, as was given in a formal legal verdict (Fatwa) by my father [Shihab al-Din al-Ramli], may Allah be pleased with him. This is proven by the jurists' maxim: 'The loss of a tiny piece from a large limb causes no harm.'"
 
In cases where there is doubt as to whether the portion cut was large or small, the animal is still deemed valid for sacrifice. It is noted in Hashiyat al-Shubramallisi ‘ala Nihayat al-Muhtaj (Vol.8/P.135):
 
"This matter requires careful consideration, but the closer and more correct view is that it is valid. This is because soundness is the default state for the animal from which the piece was cut, and it aligns with what usually occurs—namely, that the part removed to help the fat-tail grow larger is naturally very small." And Allah the Almighty Knows Best.

The Jurisprudential Significance of the Ḥadīth: "Whoever says, at the conclusion of the Fajr Prayer, while crossing his legs, before speaking..."
"Whoever says, at the conclusion of the Fajr prayer, while crossing his legs, before speaking: 'Lā ilāha illā Allāh, waḥdahu lā sharīka lah, lahu al-mulku wa lahu al-ḥamdu yuḥyī wa yumītu wa huwa ʿalā kulli shayʾin qadīr' ten times — ten good deeds will be recorded for him, ten bad deeds will be erased from him, he will be raised ten levels, he will spend that day in protection from everything disliked and guarded from the devil, and no sin will be able to befall him on that day except associating partners with Allah" — does this noble ḥadīth apply to the imam, and what is meant by "extraneous speech"?

All praise is due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon our master the Messenger of Allah ﷺ.
It is recommended for both the imam and those praying behind him to recite, immediately after the final salām, the specific remembrance reported in the sunnah to be said before turning away from one's place of prayer. The imam then leaves his praying spot, and the act of "turning" is fulfilled when the imam faces the congregation — even without physically leaving his spot — by positioning his right side toward them and his left side toward the qiblah, and this applies even while he is engaged in supplication.
Al-ʿAllāmah Ibn Qāsim al-ʿAbbādī states in his Ḥāshiyah ʿalā al-Tuḥfah (Vol.2/P.105): "It is most virtuous for the imam, once he has given the salām, to rise from his place of prayer immediately afterward." He adds that an exception must be made for the remembrances that are specifically required to be recited before he turns away. He then notes, citing Sharḥ al-ʿUbāb: "Yes, an exception to this rising immediately after the salām applies to the Fajr prayer, due to the authentic report that the Prophet ﷺ, when he prayed Fajr, would remain seated until the sun rose." He further cites, from al-Khādim, the ḥadīth concerning one who recites, at the conclusion of the Fajr prayer while still in the position of crossing his leg to rise: "Lā ilāha illā Allāh, waḥdahu lā sharīka lah..." and the rest of the well-known ḥadīth. He comments that this makes explicit that this particular remembrance is to be recited before the worshipper turns his legs to leave, and the same applies to Maghrib and ʿAṣr, as reported in those contexts as well.
What is meant by "speech" in the relevant ḥadīth is extraneous worldly speech that is not called for after the prayer and for which there is no legitimate excuse. The remembrances reported to be recited upon concluding the prayer, however, do not fall under this category of extraneous speech, since they are themselves required by the sharīʿah.
Al-ʿAllāmah ʿAlī al-Shabrāmalsī states in his Ḥāshiyah ʿalā al-Nihāyah (Vol.1/P.551): "If someone greets a person with salām while he is occupied with reciting this remembrance [i.e., 'Lā ilāha illā Allāh...'], should he return the greeting — without this causing him to forfeit the promised reward, since he is engaged in an obligatory matter — or should he delay returning the greeting until he finishes, this being a legitimate excuse for the delay?" He continues: "I say: the more likely view is the former, and the prohibition on speech is to be understood as applying to extraneous speech for which there is no legitimate excuse. Based on this, should the worshipper give precedence to this remembrance ('Lā ilāha illā Allāh...') or to reciting Sūrat al-Ikhlāṣ ('Qul huwa Allāhu aḥad')? This requires consideration, though it is not unlikely that the remembrance takes precedence, given that the Lawgiver urged hastening to it through his words 'while crossing his leg.' This is not considered ordinary speech, since it is not extraneous to what is required after the prayer."
Accordingly, it is recommended for both the imam and those praying behind him to recite this remembrance and to give it precedence over the other remembrances of the prayer, ensuring it is said before they move from their place. And Allah the Almighty knows best.

Is it permissible for one to give the Zakah (obligatory charity) to his indebted brother?

It is permissible for one to give the Zakah to his brother if he was indebted, or poor.

What are the Sunnahs and etiquettes recommended for the person offering the Udhiyah?

 
In the Name of Allah, and may peace and blessings be upon our Master, the Messenger of Allah.
 
There are several Sunnahs (prophetic traditions) and etiquettes that are highly recommended for the person offering an Udhiyah (sacrificial offering) to observe:
 
First:
It is a Sunnah for anyone intending to offer a sacrifice to refrain from cutting or removing any of their hair or nails once the first ten days of Dhul-Hijjah begin. This is based on the statement of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him): "When the ten days [of Dhul-Hijjah] begin and one of you intends to offer a sacrifice, let him not touch any of his hair or skin." (Narrated by Muslim)
 
However, if someone does happen to remove any hair or nails, they have not committed a sin, and their sacrifice remains perfectly valid.
 
Second:
The person offering the sacrifice should ideally slaughter the animal themselves. If they are unable to do so, they should at least witness its slaughter. This is drawn from what our Master, the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him), said to Lady Fatima (may Allah be pleased with her):
 
"Stand up and witness your sacrifice, for with its very first drop of blood, every sin you have committed will be forgiven." (Narrated by Al-Tabarani in his Mu'jam, Al-Hakim in his Mustadrak, and Al-Bayhaqi in his Sunan)
 
Third:
Face the Qiblah (the direction of prayer) at the time of slaughtering, as the Qiblah is the most honorable of directions.
 
Fourth:
Pronounce the name of Allah (Tasmiyah) at the moment of slaughter by saying: "Bismillah ar-Rahman ar-Rahim" (In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful). Even if one forgets to say it, the meat remains lawful (Halal) to eat. Allah, Blessed and Exalted is He, says:
 
"So eat of that [meat] upon which the name of Allah has been mentioned." (Al-An'am: 118)
 
It is also recommended to send blessings upon our Master, the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him), and to follow it with the Takbeer (Allahu Akbar).
 
Fifth:
Supplicate for acceptance by saying: "Allahumma hadhihi minka wa ilayka, fa-taqabbal minni" (O Allah, this is a blessing from You and is offered back to You, so please accept it from me). This means: This sacrifice is a blessing that originated from You, and I am offering it to draw closer to You. And Allah the Almighty Knows Best.

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