Does touching one's wife invalidate ablution?
Touching the wife according to the Shafi'ee's doctrine invalidate husband's ablution. And Allah Knows Best.
Is it permissible for a woman to shake hands with her brother-in-law?
It is forbidden for the woman to shake hands with her brother-in-law because he isn`t a Mahram (unmarriageable) of hers.
What is the Islamic ruling on adoption, and what is the legal window through which a person can be kind to an orphan girl, attend to her needs and raise her as his own?
Kindness to an orphan entails a great reward from Allah, but adoption is prohibited and invalid. Therefore, it is permissible for the aforementioned person (for example) to make his brother`s wife breastfeed that girl so that he becomes her uncle by suckling provided that he informs her that she isn`t his biological daughter.
Is it permissible to offer an absentee funeral prayer?
Yes, it is permissible to offer an absentee funeral prayer.