What should a person, who doubts the validity of his Wudu, or over performs it, do?
One who doubts the validity of his/her Wudu while performing it should redo it until he/she is certain of having attained purity. But, if doubt was after having performed Wudu, then he/she should not pay attention to that as doubt after the end of an act of worship does not count. This is of course in case doubt was within the reasonable limits since once it goes beyond that, it becomes a whispering of the Shaytaan (devil) which he/she should ignore as the Wudu is valid.
What is permissible for the husband to do as far as having sex with his wife is concerned?
The couple are free to enjoy each other sexually provided that they don`t do it during menses. It is also forbidden for the husband to enjoy the wife from her anus.
Is washing the private part after urinating (Istinjaa`) a condition, and is it done with water and soap, or with water only?
Istinjaa` is obligatory for removing impurity, and it can be done with toilet paper, or a stone, or water. It is preferable to do Istinjaa` first with paper, or stone, or the like, then to wash the private part with water until making sure that the impurity has been removed. Using soap is not a condition, but there is no harm in doing so provided that it is washed off with water. It is also permissible to use either water, or paper if impurity is removed by any.
Talking to one's fiancée in Ramadan with romantic talk may lead to arousal, and if pre-ejaculate fluid (Madhy) is discharged as a result, it does not break the fast. However, it is advised to avoid actions that provoke desire and lead to this outcome. If semen (Mani) is discharged as a result, it does break the fast.
The discharge of Madhy doesn't invalidate one's fasting but it invalidates the ablution and his clothes must be washed because they are impure in this case. As for Mani, it breaks one's fast and making up invalidataed is obligatory, beside; a Muslim suitor should abstain from these matters during Ramadan and not to degrade the holy month to this extent. And Allah Knows Best.