What are the conditions that must be met for the 'aqīqah to be valid?
All praise is due to Allah, and may peace and blessings be upon our Master, the Messenger of Allah.
The 'aqīqah is like the recommended uḍḥiyyah in terms of the type of animal, its age, and its required characteristics — since it is a recommended slaughter and therefore resembles the uḍḥiyyah in its rulings.
It is agreed upon without any difference of opinion that the 'aqīqah is not valid with any animal other than livestock (al-na'am — camels, cattle, and sheep). Likewise, an animal with a disqualifying defect — such as obvious illness, lameness, or blindness in one eye — does not suffice, as has previously been explained in the rulings of the uḍḥiyyah. And Allah Almighty knows best.
Is my husband entitled to take my salary?
Your salary is yours, and you may give some of it to him as a kind of free-will contribution.
Is it permissible for a wife to give her money to her family as a charity, or a gift without asking her husband, or seeking his consent?
The wife has the right to give her money as a charity, or a gift to her family, or to other people after consulting her husband out of respect, and this is the meaning of treating on footing of kindness and equity. Therefore, if he wanted to stop her from helping her family, then there is no harm in not telling him.
What is the ruling on wiping the white area behind the ears instead of wiping the head?
The obligation in ablution is to wipe some of the head; it is not a condition to wipe all of it. Wiping the white area behind the ears suffices for that. And Allah the almighty knows best.