In the Name of Allah, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful.
The Virtue of Reconciling People
Setting things right amongst people is considered one of the greatest virtues of character since it has been encouraged by Sharia on many occasions. For example, Allah the Almighty says {what means}: "So fear God, and keep straight the relations between yourselves." {Al-Anfal, 1}. Moreover, Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Messenger (PBUH) said, "There is a (compulsory) Sadaqa (charity) to be given for every joint of the human body (as a sign of gratitude to Allah) every day the sun rises. To judge justly between two persons is regarded as Sadaqa, and to help a man concerning his riding animal by helping him to ride it or by lifting his luggage on to it, is also regarded as Sadaqa, and (saying) a good word is also Sadaqa, and every step taken on one's way to offer the compulsory prayer (in the mosque) is also Sadaqa and to remove a harmful thing from the way is also Sadaqa." {Bukhari & Muslim}.
Due to the importance of this virtuous act, Islam has made it one of the Zakah disbursement channels, which is to be spent on debtors who seek to set things right among people. Yahya related to me from Malik that Yahya ibn Said said that he heard Said ibn al-Musayyab say, "Shall I tell you what is better than much prayer and sadaqa?" They said, "Yes." He said, "Mending discord. And beware of hatred - it strips you (of your deen)." Narrated by al-Tabari in "al-Mu'jam al-Kabir." Poets have not forgotten the virtue of reconciliation, so they have immortalized it in their poems. One example is the following poem:
If all virtues were attained, they would all boil down to two things:
The glorification of the command of Allah, may His glory be exalted, and striving to reconcile differences.
Reconciling differences or mending discord is an act of faith and an Islamic law for it removes grudges, purifies hearts, and extinguishes the fires of sedition. Highlighting that quality, Allah the Almighty said: " In most of their secret talks there is no good: But if one exhorts to a deed of charity or justice or conciliation between men, (Secrecy is permissible): To him who does this, seeking the good pleasure of God, We shall soon give a reward of the highest (value)." {An-Nisa`, 114}.
Islam encourages a believer to make mending discord among the people one of his most important goals in life. This since reform unites the members of the Muslim nation and if a member complains, the rest respond with sleeplessness and fever. However, neglecting reform leads to the dismantling of the nation and the fragmentation of its bonds.
This is why Islam made mending discord better than many acts of worship. Abu Ad-Darda' narrated that the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: "Shall I not inform you of what is more virtuous than the rank of fasting, Salat, and charity?" They said: "But of course!" He said: "Making peace between each other. For indeed spoiling relations with each other is the Haliqah." {Transmitted by Ahmad, Abu Dawoud & Tirmithi}.
Some scholars believe that the obligatory prayers, fasting, and charity mentioned in the above Hadith refer to voluntary acts of worship rather than obligatory ones. Al-Qari said: "Only Allah knows what is meant, because it is conceivable that reforming a corruption that leads to bloodshed, looting, and desecration of the sanctities is better than the obligatory acts of worship that are limited in scope, especially since they can be made up for if they are missed. These acts are from the rights of Allah, which are less important to Him than the rights of His servants."
As for the Prophet's (PBUH) saying: " For indeed spoiling relations with each other is the Haliqah." He said in "an-Nihaya": "The Haliqah is a trait that has the ability to shave (i.e. destroy) and uproot the religion, just as a razor removes hair." It was also said that it is severing ties of kinship and injustice." Al-Tibi said: "This Hadith encourages mending discord and avoiding creating corruption among the people. This is because reconciliation is a reason for holding on to the rope of Allah and not dividing Muslims. Discord amongst the people is considered a flaw in the religion. Therefore, whoever engages in mending it and removing its corruption will achieve a higher degree than the fasting and standing person who is busy with his own affairs."
Overall, these Hadiths lead to the conclusion that our great religion seeks and strives for peace and Allah has informed us that mending discord is best. Allah the Almighty says {What means}: "there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best" {An-Nisa`, 128}.
Reconciling people is a great act of worship that Allah loves. The peacemaker is the person who exerts his effort, money, status, and authority to reconcile quarrelers. Such person loves good and yearns for it. Therefore, he does not care about criticism as long as his intention is pleasing Almighty Allah. He doesn`t mind troubling himself in order to mend the discord between two Muslims.
The peacemaker is given credit for mending discord between husband and wife in a bid to preserve the social fabric. This is in addition to reconciling brothers, friends and relatives. Had it not been for peacemakers, blood would have been shed and satanic seditions would have spread widely.
One of the things that indicate the greatness of the virtue of reconciling people is that Islam has allowed lying for the sake of reconciling the people of enmity. Here, lying refers to exaggerating the positive things and confirming their existence in both parties of the dispute. This is to reconcile hearts and show that the disagreement occurred unintentionally. Narrated Um Kulthum bint `Uqba: That she heard Allah's Messenger (PBUH) saying, "He who makes peace between the people by inventing good information or saying good things, is not a liar." {Transmitted by Ahmad}. One scholar said, "Allah loves lying for the sake of reconciliation and hates truth for the sake of corruption." So be aware of that.
As human beings, we need to understand that discord is likely to take place; however, we should do our best to overcome it. It suffices to dwell upon the deep meanings of the following Hadith: Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (PBUH) as saying: The gates of Paradise are not opened but on two days, Monday and Thursday. and then every servant (of Allah) is granted pardon who does not associate anything with Allah except the person in whose (heart) there is rancour against his brother. And it would be said: Look towards both of them until there is reconciliation; look toward both of them until there is reconciliation; look towards both of them until there is reconciliation. This hadith has been narrated on the authority of Suhail who narrated it on the authority of his father with the chain of transmitters of MaIik, but with this variation of wording:, (Those would not be granted pardon) who bycott each other." {Transmitted by Muslim}.
Al-Awzai said: "There is no step more beloved to Allah the Almighty than that a Muslim takes to reconcile people, and whoever reconciles two people, Allah will write for him a discharge from the Fire."
Someone might say: "I want to go to so-and-so to reconcile with him, but I am afraid that he will reject me or not receive me or not know the value of my coming to him!"
And I say to you: Remember that your Prophet (PBUH) tells you: Go to him even if he rejects you, even if he speaks ill of you, go to him the first time, the second time, and the third time, and hurry to him with a gift, smile in his face and be gentle with him.
The Prophet (PBUH) said: "No one forgives another except that Allah increases his honor." {Transmitted by Bukhari and Muslim}. Therefore, if you forgive or reconcile, Allah will increase your honor. Even if disputant rejects you, does not open the door for you and you go back, remember that the predecessors of the Muslim nation wished for such an honor because it is a proof of the purity of the heart. Allah the Almighty says {What means}: " if ye are asked to go back, go back: that makes for greater purity for yourselves.." {An-Nur / 28}.
Try reconciliation today, contact the one with whom you have a dispute, and be gentle with him. After Allah's mercy, perhaps this contact will be a reason for the forgiveness of your sins: "do you not wish that God should forgive you? For God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." {An-Nur, 22}.
Try to take this initiative and don`t allow Satan to make you change your mind. The Prophet (PBUH) said, "It is not lawful for a Muslim to desert (not to speak to) his brother Muslim for more than three days while meeting, one turns his face to one side and the other turns his face to the other side. Lo! The better of the two is the one who starts greeting the other." {Transmitted by Ahmad}.
Some of the great etiquettes of reconciling that a peacemaker must have are:
1-The intention is pleasing Allah, not seeking money, authority, showing off or reputation. Allah says {What means}: "To him who does this, seeking the good pleasure of God, We shall soon give a reward of the highest (value)." {An-Nisa`, 114}.
2-Be keen on achieving justice and avoiding injustice. Allah the Almighty says {What means}: "then Make peace between them With justice, and be fair; For God loves those Who are fair (and just)." {Al-Hujurat, 9}.
3-The reconciliation process should be based on religious knowledge and it is preferable to consult scholars, consider all aspects of the case at hand and listen to disputants carefully.
4-Not to hasten to pass a judgment for haste makes waste.
5-Selecting the proper time to make reconciliation.
6-Speaking to the concerned parties with kindness and praising their good qualities.
O Allah, cleanse our hearts from malice, envy, and deception. O Allah, reconcile between our relatives and us. O Allah, reconcile between our loved ones and us. O Allah, make life an increase for us in all good and death a relief for us from all evil, by Your mercy, O Most Merciful of the merciful.
And all perfect praise be to Allah the Lord of the Worlds.
