Praise be to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon our Master, the Messenger of Allah.

Filial piety (Birr Al-Walidayn) is a broad concept that includes kindness, respect, good treatment, and doing what pleases one’s parents. Allah The Almighty Says (What means): "And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you show kindness to parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, do not say to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them, but address them in terms of honor. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy, and say: ‘My Lord, have mercy upon them as they raised me when I was small." [Al-Isra/23-24].

Part of kindness to parents is to obey them — but this obedience is not absolute. It is agreed upon by scholars that children are not obligated to obey every command their parents give. Scholars have defined disobedience (‘Uquq) as what causes harm or pain to the parents when disobeyed. Matters where the parents are not harmed by disagreement do not fall into the category of disobedience. In this regard, Al-Hafiz Ibn Hajar Al-‘Asqalani (may Allah have mercy on him) said: "Disobedience to parents is anything that causes them harm through words or actions, unless it involves shirk (polytheism) or sin, or if the parent is being unreasonable." [Fath Al-Bari/vol.10/pp.406]. Besides, Al-Imam Al-Buhuti Al-Hanbali (may Allah have mercy on him) said: "Parents cannot compel their son to marry someone he does not wish to marry, as the intended benefit would not be achieved through coercion — and refusing would not be considered disobedience, just as refusing to eat something one dislikes is not disobedience." [Kashshaf Al-Qina/vol.5/pp.8].

Therefore, required obedience is tied to kindness, support, and refraining from causing harm to the parents — either physical or emotional. Personal life matters such as choosing a spouse, field of study, career, or how to manage one’s home are not included in the scope of obligatory obedience. Parents are advised to allow their children to shape their own lives — as long as the children are not engaging in sin or violating Islamic principles.

That said, children should always treat their parents respectfully, and avoid rejecting their wishes harshly. If there is a disagreement, the child should consult wise and trustworthy scholars. If it is determined that the parents have a valid reason for their wishes, then obedience is recommended. If no valid reason is found, the child is not obligated to obey in that matter. Since, Al-Imam Ibn Hajar Al-Haytami Al-Shafi‘i (may Allah have mercy on him) said: "The child must be very cautious about disobeying a parent, and should not do so lightly. They should consult trusted and wise scholars. If the scholars determine that the parent’s wish is reasonable, the child must obey. If not, obedience is not obligatory — but it is still encouraged when it does not conflict with the child’s religious practice, learning, or well-being.

In short, disobeying a parent is a serious matter and should not be done except with clear justification supported by sound judgment." [Al-Fatawa Al-Fiqhiyyah Al-Kubra/vol.2/pp.128–129].

In conclusion, Children are required to obey their parents in matters where disobedience would cause them genuine harm. However, in personal matters such as choosing a spouse, residence, career, or academic path — disobedience is not considered ‘Uquq. In such cases, the child should express disagreement with kindness and respect, while maintaining continued care and good treatment toward the parents.

We also advise parents to base their guidance on mutual consultation and genuine concern for their child’s welfare — not on compulsion or coercion — especially in life-changing personal matters. And Allah The Almighty Knows Best.